So I was going about my usual business about to post a selfie right after I got out of the shower. And I realized how completely different I looked from the selfie I was about to post (the one on the left) and how I looked with no make-up. And I thought how many people on tumblr complement my selfies and also hate themselves for how they look, comparing themselves to heavily made up people such as myself. And as I snapped a the first picture of me with no makeup in over 4 years, I knew I wasn’t going to be posting a normal selfie.
As a person, and especially a woman, I’ve had people judge me based on my looks my whole life. I’ve been called a range of things, from “frigid” to a “slut”, from “ugly” to “beautiful”, to “why do you wear so much makeup?”and “why don’t you wear enough?”. All these comments are derived from how people perceive me. It’s a physiological fact that the way a person looks impacts our opinion of them. Therefore, to many of us personally, the way the world perceives us very important. And I’m no different. I’ve been a huge makeup wearer since I was 13 years old. And when I developed acne in high school I used it as a tool hide imperfections and improve my appearance. And ever since then I never stopped wearing makeup.
At my current age of 19, still suffering from a bit of acne and having CSP (or more commonly know as dermatillomania) I still find makeup a useful tool to hide my flaws. And I think makeup is awesome and fun. But what gets me is that on the very rare times that I haven’t wore makeup it’s suddenly “wrong”. That I’m sick, or depressed, or “not trying”.
The picture on left is what wearing a lot of makeup looks like to people. With this look I’ve been called every cliched “slut” like name available. People have assumed I’m easy, but still attractive. Why is that?
The middle picture is what wearing “natural” makeup looks like and some people have even told me how great I look wearing “no makeup”, even though I have a full face of makeup. This, apparently, is what I’m expected to look like. When I look like this I’m considered a generally attractive, functioning member of society. Why is that?
And finally no makeup. The fact that I’m ashamed of how I look in this picture should be words enough. I enjoy using makeup to make myself look better. But that is my choice. That is for me. But why am I suddenly ugly, compared to the previous pictures? Why am I expected to look like the previous pictures and not my natural state? Why is that?